So .. It was just another regular Bootcamp trip away. Off we went to try out a new run .. Muscle Acre. Having done hundreds of these, there are no nerves just excitement for the fun that lies ahead and it didn’t disappoint.
Off we set on the 6km route as a team having a blast as always. Water obstacles, climbing frames, Bogs, monkey bars and eventually Monkey rings.
Like any obstacle up, I jumped to tackle it .. Then I heard an almighty POP. Id never heard or felt anything like it in my life before, the noise so loud I was sure id snapped a bone. Of course, I dropped from high screaming like a rather loud 2 year old.
I lay in a bit of a pathetic manner clutching my leg and crying with 2 of the girls holding me. Finally, the medics arrived, although they started eating jelly babies. I was asked to stand up to walk off the course but as soon as I stood and put some weight on my leg, which I was naturally quite reluctant to do… it buckled beneath me and I screamed in pain. My heart fell into my stomach. Weirdly the first thing that crossed my mind was LONDON TO PARIS CYCLE .. CAN I STILL GO.
After being whisked to Hospital, some xrays and prodding I’m told it is an ACL injury, I am transferred to my local hospital.
After a little faff for days I am finally given my first leg brace … and still none the wiser as to what I have actually done .. the only thing I know is I cant walk or move and my knee is the size of a house.
Here started my life in a brace and a total living nightmare.
Not able to weight bare yet trying to run a business and a household was impossible, Simply having a wash, using the toilet and even dressing myself where all tasks I could no longer do. My world had crashed down. Those first weeks were living hell.
Thankfully I didn’t need to wait too long before seeing the consultant. Prodded and poked again I was told definite MCL, ACL damage and told I needed an urgent MRI. I received my very own bionic leg brace .. that weights the same as an ox !!
This brace is hurrrrrrrrenndously annoying- it never stays in place where I need it to, the straps are too long for my newly skinnyleg . It gets in the way as much as my sticks and no clothes fit over it !! But this bionic brace will stop my leg twisting at the knee.
From that moment on Dr. Google became my best friend .. what did all this mean.
From that appointment until my MRI was 2 weeks and within that time I felt like a lost sitting duck, not knowing what was going on inside my leg, what could I do, what should I do. Could I cycle… So many questions and so much hoping.
Dr. Google assured me an MCL could repair itself and in my head, I was still cycling to Paris .. despite not being able to stand up 3 weeks after injury… So I booked private physio because they were going to fix me right !!
WRONG .. That ended in more swelling and pain.
Turns out the results of my MRI confirmed FULL ACL RUPTURE, FULL MCL RUPTURE, MENISCUS RUPTURE, BLOOD INSIDE, BRUISED BONES AND A FRACTURE.
I was weirdly relieved that I’d done a good job because I was becoming paranoid that I was actually being a huge dramatic wimp about trying to weight bear and bend my knee- when in reality there wasn’t a lot left to let it bend anyway!
If I’m going to do something why not do it properly. My knee is so wrecked it needs urgent surgery to repair .. although now the ball is well and truly rolling on that one.
Both legs require surgery as my screwed one is too wrecked so the tissue for repair needs to come from my good leg…
And so here I am awaiting my surgery .. Gutted that I’ve lost so many activities id had planned .. no Morocco trek, no London to Paris and I’m even struggling to work.
An injury is a lonely isolated place, it doesn’t help 4 weeks on and I still can’t drive.
I’m desperate to return to my crazy active lifestyle and quite frankly I’m absolute fed up of sitting here not really knowing if I should or shouldn’t be doing anything to aid my recovery at this stage… So I took it into my own hands to try things.
Here we are 4 weeks and 2 days from the incident and I finally weight baring a little. I’ve walked the stairs although my knee has dislocated on many occasion and when it hasn’t it feels like it’s about too. The strangest feeling in my knee popping out makes trying to bend or straighten my leg unbearable. Sleeping doesn’t happen, I can find one position on my back but then I wake up with a bad back, and despite being told not to rest my knee on a pillow I simply can’t bare not too … the pain is tooooo much. I’m so scared of what's happening in there, I’m scared to stand, scared of hearing that pop and terrified of it buckling under me …OH GOD and what about my other knee is that going to go !!
I’m losing the will to live, I’ve managed some form of life and some training in the gym for my own sanity, but I’m so easily tired.
I accepted that 2018 isn’t happening and cancelled my activities and sold them on as best I could, and I feel like I am in a long dark tunnel… but with surgery and physio on the horizon, there is a light shining towards the long recovery.
Talking of which its physio day …. Physio I struggle to do the pain is too much .. I know I need to but my body says no. My quads have switched off and my once quadzilla leg is now a mound of floppy useless jelly where muscle once was. No amount of leg raises is making my muscle want to work.
In the land of watching telly, staying in bed as long as possible, eating my weight in chocolates and wondering how I might get to the huge cobweb above the telly or get on my bike … I’m desperately bored. My knee looks much the same 4 weeks on and still doesn’t bend or straighten. Its still agony and misshapen.
Daytime TV is hugely depressing and unless I get the odd visitor or cleaner I just sit there wasting away. Lately, I started to colour in .. Its got that bad. Going to work is the highlight of my day… work I am meant to be signed off from .. but being self-employed well that’s another story !!
But I'm happy I'm allowed to head off to Mexico for my family holiday .. a little time to myself before the reality of surgery . Then once home its all systems go to fix my knee. and get on that bike. The bike I so hated is the thing breaking my heart.
My pesky injections have now stopped hurrah .. but not until after Id had a blood clot .. my feet are always freezing and purple, I’m a dab hand at bum shuffling around the house and finding ways to do things so now it’s just a waiting game and much of the same .. trying to get by as best as I can .. My ass is permanently numb from sitting on it .. I need a bowl of fruit not boxes of chocolates and I need people around me and space more than ever.
No one ever talks about the mental side of a severe injury . and I don’t think anything can prepare you for the floods of emotions and despair you feel when an injury happens in an instant. Life has stopped for me as I sit in my chair and watch it going by .. The only thing to focus on is what is the bend of my knee today and comparing pictures from day 1 to now.
From being so busy I never sat down to being sat down 24 hours a day is soul destroying.. as Im sure this next round of physio will be .. so off I go now .